So I had two rough days and thanks to the advice of someone on the forum at Malesurvivor.org, I snapped myself out of it. I have now chosen to focus on me and doing things for me because I deserve good things to be done for myself by myself. I have chosen to become a healthy person by balancing out my various needs: physical and mental health by eating well and exercising and being social, playing (video games, sports etc), work (writing essays) and recovery (talking to other survivors). I try to do each of those things every day so that when I reflect on my day I have positive things that I can say I have achieved.
The last few days of doing this new balance for me thing so that I feel good about myself has been amazing. I have started giving myself hugs to give myself some love and affection (something I have never done). I have been repeating to myself from time to time, look you just did something good for yourself because you deserve it which makes me weep tears of joy. I have spent too long destroying myself, I finally deserve to good to myself and live a happy and healthy life. I am learning to love myself and it feels great because I realize, I never truly have.
Every survivor deserves self-love. The love you receive from yourself is probably the strongest and most fulfilling. When you give yourself love I think you are more willing to receive love from others. Until now I have never felt I deserved love from others and couldn't understand why people even liked me let alone loved me. Now I am discovering how strong and inspirational I am and what I have always offered to other people (kindness, helpfulness) and I can finally see why people want to have anything to do with me (teary-eyed). It feels great, everybody should give self-love and self-hugs :).
